just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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