how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wear drunk well.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
