I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
