So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
