did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
