i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
