is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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