I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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