Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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