This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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