i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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