I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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