My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
