Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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