i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
