I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
