Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He felt like a one man threesome
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
