I cannot find my penis.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
