dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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