there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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