I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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