he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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