How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
