His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
