Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
