Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
