I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
