Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
