OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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