they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
