i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
