She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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