Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
