and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
