why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
