you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
