i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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