Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My balls are so social today.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
