he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
