i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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