Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
