Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
