My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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