Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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