maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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