that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
