i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
