I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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