My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
love makes seman taste better
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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