uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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