the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
