Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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