is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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