need another drink. this is the easiest way
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I pour the whiskey from now on
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize