My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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