the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
