Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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