I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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