I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize