Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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