Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
