When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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