Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
