There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
