dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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