my shit smells like andre
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
