Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
