oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
