Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
