No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
